I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
