i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
