god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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