He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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