my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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