Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize