dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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