he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
