Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
