I looked at my own cervix.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
