I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
