peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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