She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
