my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
