The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the raccoons are back...
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