Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
