he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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