Yo dont text me then not text me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
