Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
