Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
