she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
