it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
