hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
