if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
