He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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