why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
