Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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