sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
