I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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