You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As shirtless as possible
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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