this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize