i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
