I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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