I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
