I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
