Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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