I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
