Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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