i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Two words: blizzard sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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