Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
