so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
