About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
