kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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