So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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