we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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