we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
