She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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