I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
