ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
