It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize