i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
