Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
