Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
