yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
