Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
