So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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