I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
