hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
