i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dignity is for republicans.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
