just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
