Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
