About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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