Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize