i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
