I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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