This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize