Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
