There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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