Jerry, you need to find god
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
